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Milestones Blogfest (of DOOM!)

I have such a long list of books I need to review, but I'd much rather do this today. Now listen close, friends, for I will tell you a dark tale of... (scary music cue) PHYSICAL EDUCATION CLASS! Muahahahaha!

It was a dark and stormy night. No, wait, actually, it was day time, and I think the sun was shining. Darn sun. But inside the gymnasium, it was dark with fear and stormy with anger! Anger at the injustice of our situation!

We - the seventh grade students - huddled in a corner, while our gym teacher marched up and down the length of the gym, muttering to herself. Every so often, she would raise her voice to a caterwaul, so what we heard was: "Today mumble mumble mumble ARCHERYYYYY mumble mumble mumble mumble and I want EVERYONE mumble must say at least one hundred and fifty feet away from Izzy!"

I blinked. "What? Why?"

She spun around and glared at me through her hawk eyes, her wrinkled skin shuddering over her bones. "You of all people ask why? Last week we ran the mile. A simple exercise that involves hardly any physical exertion. And yet everyone who stayed close to you got injured! Look around!"

I surveyed the class. Most students were wrapped in bandages - was it already Halloween? - and others were bleeding profusely on the floor. Great, just great. Now the floor would be slippery.

The teacher muttered and caterwauled on, until all I heard was a faint buzzing. I started thinking about yummy food - oh, the yummy food! I imagined drowning in pastries, in ice cream, devouring cakes and cookies galore!


I let out a cry and backed up, falling against some kid. He cushioned my fall, and I stood up. For some reason, he continued to lie on the floor, obviously blocking everyone's path, so I kicked him out of the way. "Huh? What's going on?"

My friend shoved a bow and some arrows into my hand, eyes darting around. "I'll see you later," she croaked, and then she ran away.

Weird. I shrugged and aimed for the target. The buzzing was back, which meant that the teacher must be talking. How irritating. I let loose an arrow, which plunged through three kids and then impaled them to the wall. Darn kids, getting in the way of my target.

The buzzing was even louder, and now some kids were screaming. Did they mind?! I was trying to concentrate! I aimed again, but the arrow just buried itself in my teacher's scalp. The buzzing went away, finally.

Before long, I was out of arrows, but at least most of the screams had died down, even if none of the arrows landed anywhere near the target. I grabbed some more and kept trying, because you know what they say! Try, try, try again!

I got ready to release the arrow, when a kid with black hair crawled up to me. "Please," he said, tears filling his anguished face. "Please! I've never been mean to you! Ever! I - I wouldn't mind being your friend. Well, actually, I take that back. Just ignore that bit. But I've never -"

I shrugged and let the arrow go, certain it would hit bull's eye. Unfortunately, it went down for some reason, and the kid made this weird screechy noise before slumping to the floor, blood pooling around him. Geez, what a wimp.

One hundred arrows later (some were bloodstained because I ran out), I finally managed to get an arrow in the very edge of the target. "Okay, I'm good," I said to the cop, who had been cowering behind a table.

He grabbed my hands and started to force them into a pair of handcuffs. "You have the right..." he intoned, and all I heard was a buzzing again. But, what the hey! I'd finally managed to get an arrow on the target.

I studied the bull's eye. "Wait a second, I think I'm going to try and hit that before you take me to wherever it is you want to go."


Donna Hole said...

Now that was funny. I'm so glad she finally made her milestone :) Very interesting take on the blogfest though. This had such a hilarious voice. I think kids are really gonna like your books.

Thanks for joining my blogfest. Your link goes to the Inside Out Review, and I'm sorry, but I don't know how to fix that.

But I was certainly entertained here.


Justin W. Parente said...

Funny stuff right there. Your voice is worth a look the MG/YA market. It's tough to really say something like this when, as we've heard, it's very subjective, but this is my genuine opinion to another writer and I see your narrative voice taking you somewhere. I'm also psychic, by the way, if you were wondering how I know. See you around!

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