When Not to Write

You hear a lot about the importance of writing every day. You know, make a daily word goal, a schedule, stick to it, write write write write, generate those words, that kind of thing. I try to do all this (I keep missing a few days, but there's so much procrastinating to be done!), but recently, I learned there are times when you shouldn't write. So, here is a list of when not to write, each point from personal experience.

1. When you're delirious. I had some unexplained fever a couple days ago and I fell into delirium. Like, "OMG, look at the pretty colors and is that a man-eating rabbit?" I decided to go and write my daily 1500 words, so I pulled up my latest WIP and started typing. I don't actually remember any of this, but I must have written a lot because my word count was about 3000 words higher.

A lot of words, yes, but... umm... I started writing about tomatoes eating shoes and squishing their seeds all over New York City. In the middle of the most important scene. Plus, in my delirium, I mixed up "your" and "you're". I'm ashamed of myself.

2. When there is an elephant sitting on you. It tends to flatten the top of your skull, which squishes your brain. This usually leads to an inability to think well, and you start writing about flies all the time. Like: "He leaped out of his flies are pretty neat chair and threw a flies make funny noises in your ear punch at the big fat fly man."

3. When you're hungry. Your writing becomes like this: "He picked up his fork and speared his steak with it. The succulent juices trickled out, spilling onto the plate. After taking a bite of the delicious, tender meat, he encircled the glass of wine with his fingers and poured the red liquid down his parched throat." Darn, now I'm hungry and thirsty.

Can any of you think of more conditions under which you shouldn't write?